Are You Sure Your Men Deactivated the Hyperdrive on the Millennium ...
Sports stories that get a daily headline yet nobody fucking cares about:
-Barry Bonds' potential indictment.
Will they?! Won't they?! Who cares. He cheated and we don't need a Supreme Court decision to tell us what any one barely-functioning eyeball could tell us.
-Danica Patrick's switching circuits/teams.
Oh, she might go to NASCAR?! Oh, right, that's the same thing as NASCAR, right? Yeah, I don't care. And it's breaking news that she switched to some other IRL team? People couldn't tell you which team she was on before today and now she's on....um, some other team! Whooo! How many millions of people were avidly refreshing ESPN.com, waiting for this announcement?
-Barbaro's "Rehab".
You people do know it's a horse, right? A HORSE WITH A FUCKING BROKEN LEG. I can understand the owners/jockey being affected but...why are people nationwide putting up signs and stuff saying 'Pray for Barbaro'? What, so you can bet on him and exploit an animal in the future? Sympathy (and interest) DENIED.
-Alex Rodriguez's Inability to Win Over Yankee Fans
Look, he knew what he was getting into. They're allowed to boo him, his biggest hits come in April day games against the Blue Jays when the team is already up by 98 runs. He hasn't earned the right to be boo-proof (no championships, no big hits -- see: Jeter). Then some sports analyst started a crazy baseless rumor that the Yankees are going to trade him. They aren't. At least not now and probably never in the middle of a season.
ANYWAY...
I felt like venting about the Star Wars prequels. Not the movies themselves, necessarily, but the popular perception and regard for them.
First of all, I'm not a person who blindly embraces everything with the Star Wars name on it. I've read maybe three of the novels and don't think all the video games are earth-shattering like they are billed (I'm looking at you, Knights of the Old Republic). The announcement of the prequels was confirmed in 1993-94 so I was only 7 or 8 and can't say I had any real reaction to the news of them and just went to see them because they are Star Wars movies and...well, y'know.
With that out of the way, I'm the first to admit that Episode I is the worst of the saga, in terms of overall film quality. My gripes include:
-Jar-Jar Binks
-Jake Lloyd's general existence
-The overall (lack of) editing
-A handful of lines ("yippee!", the eopie fart on Tatooine, most of the podrace announcer)
I'm of the camp that Jar-Jar, as a character/plot piece wasn't even really necessary to the story. I understand that he was inserted to be a marketable character, to inject some humor, and be the yin to the Jedi/Queen's yang, to showcase -- with a full-time character -- ILM's developing CGI capabilities, yada yada yada.
That being said...his humor didn't do much for anyone over the age of 9. I didn't think his voice/dialect was racist (like some people foolishly believe) but just annoying and hard to get into. Most of it stuck out in otherwise exhibitionary scenes or something (like the hatching-of-the-podrace-scheme/slavery scene at the Skywalker dinner table) as just to keep the little kids interested. I guess it worked, because the movie rolled in a lot of money.
Jake Lloyd is only GOOD (for a kid) in one or two scenes, serviceable in most of the rest, and awful in a few deliveries sprinkled throughout. The part about his performance that hurts me most is that, after watching The Beginning documentary on the DVD and seeing two of the kids he beat out for the role...I am really not sure why Jake got the part at all.
I wish they had made his success in the final space battle a little less accidental and more planned -- to further the belief created in the originals that Anakin was the real deal Holyfield even when Obi-Wan first knew him. It doesn't ruin the movie (nor does Jake, overall) but it's just a little thorn in the side during viewing.
I don't buy the belief that the political subplot was too confusing or too deep for a Star Wars movie. The prequels are 50% political...the political sets up everything else. Unchartered waters for a Star Wars movie? Yes. But well-done and, once the trilogy is completely viewed, it's pretty hard to argue with what was in Episode I regarding the Senate, etc.
The editing was just a mistake. I don't find the midichlorian scene 'morally reprehensible' or anything but I don't think it was really necessary at all. Additionally, I always thought the film played like a rough cut of what the movie ultimately would be (at least 20 minutes of it could be trimmed out and nobody would notice). What, for example, could be removed?
-Some of the podrace; don't get me wrong, it's really fun and exciting but it kind of goes on too long. Part of that is the build-up to it. Do we need to see every single contestant introduced and shown and do we need to endure every little aside from the announcer(s)? That and the fact that just a bit too much racing content was shown. Don't get me wrong, I love the unintentional comedy that erupts when the little blue guy and pointy-nose guy explode into vapor but the race essentially should've just been Anakin vs. Sebulba with the Jedi's fate on the line.
-Most of the first act. From the moment the droid dropships land ("if they're down here, sir, we'll find them") to when Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan drop in on the captured Queen in the street...all of that is really expendable. Jar-Jar didn't need to be found but if you insisted on putting him in, they should've had Qui-Gon say "stay here, we'll return" and then later had Qui-Gon free him from a little prison camp and used his connection to mount the Gungan army. He didn't need to take them to Otoh Gunga, through the planet core, tag along on Tatooine and subsequently on Coruscant. Why did the Jedi need directions to Theed, anyway? They're JEDI. Come on! We'll accept that they were able to get there in one dissolve-wipe.
Remove THAT stuff and you'd have a trim and really good movie. I like that the second act is slower than the first and third, as it's necessary for us to meet Anakin and get a sense of what he represents to Qui-Gon and how he interacts with Padme (plus, it's fucking Darth Vader, he deserves to get some foundation in his first appearance).
My opinion on why the film turned out the way it did was because:
-George was still in Return of the Jedi-mode. What were the criticisms of Jedi? The Ewoks were too kiddy. What is the criticism of Phantom Menace? Jar-Jar is too kiddy. Since his previous Star Wars installment was considered a success, he recycled the formula for Episode I.
-Ben Burtt edited the movie. Do you know who Ben Burtt is? He's the sound effects designer. If you couldn't put that together...a sound effects designer edited a movie. Figure it out.
Now, going beyond what the movie WAS, is what the movie was perceived as. Fact is: the expectations were off the charts. There was no way for George to win. NO WAY. 30-year olds wanted to feel like they were 10 again. That's not possible. They didn't realize this, of course, and held it against the movie, as if it was not their fault that they've grown up and matured, but George Lucas' fault.
Why were the expectations so high? Because whatever you liked when you were a kid grows and grows in your mind to be more and more pristine and flawless. The saying "you older get, the better you were" applies in a unilateral way. The more time that passed since the original installments, the more and more people regarded them well. Now, of course, they are the three greatest movies ever made but 75% of the people who bashed Episode I are not Star Wars geeks like me...so they just remember the movies being fun when they were little and expecting to be transported back to where they were in a completely different time. That's unfair.
Secondly, this is a different part of the saga. This is the rise of an ultimately flawed hero. This is the slow decay of a sprawling Republic. It's not going to be as straight-forward or simple as "the children of the bad guy try to save the universe"...which is why IV - V - VI was the first trilogy George made. It's far more marketable and universally recognizable, in theme. The Prequels -- even though they rolled in huge money -- probably would've been far less successful than the Originals, were they released in 1977, 1980, and 1983. They're just different films; it's like comparing the card games War and Poker. The originals are like War; they are completely easy to understand and most everyone on Earth can get into it. But Poker takes time to learn, time to get good at, etc. There are so many more nuances and layers to the Prequels than the Originals (not taking anything away from either trilogy, it's just an observation), which was not what some people EXPECTED (expectations are the Devil, clearly), thereby the movie was not good and sucked. Get out of here.
(Not to mention, everybody wants to be cool, so they do what their friends do, what the people on TV do, and jump on those bandwagons -- whatever they're touting. The 1999 bandwagon included unfairly bashing Episode I.)
AGAIN, I'm not saying Episode I was perfect (it isn't -- I broke down its drawbacks, you douche) but the way its regarded is totally ridiculous and unwarranted.
Then came the attacks on Episode II. "Hayden Christensen can't act". (By the way, that was pretty much the only concrete reason given yet apparently every part of the movie is flawed.)
First of all, Hayden can act. Some of his lines in Episode II are less than stellar but, um, Hayden didn't write the script. Additionally, what uneducated viewers regard as robotic or wooden readings of some lines is usually a character method to pave the way for the James Earl Jones delivery in IV, V, and VI (deliveries that everyone holds so dear). By the way, if you think some of Hayden's acting is suspect, watch the Originals and tell me some of the things Mark Hamiil and Carrie Fisher spout off aren't a little kitschy. Please. The same people attacking Hayden are the same people who attacked Episode I without just cause and didn't want to look like they might have been mistaken in their distaste so they latched onto the easiest target (the unknown lead) to salvage their already misguided criticisms.
Secondly, if you're watching Star Wars movies and expecting to see the greatest acting performances ever caught on film...you're very delusional.
The editing was better in Episode II but I still think they would've benefitted from a real editor rather than *sigh* another "effort" from Ben Burtt.
My only legitimate, glaring qualm with the film I addressed here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2GAh4bqLuM
That's IT, do you hear me? And that's most of what anyone has to say bad about the picture. Let's assume, for the sake of argument, that each scene between Anakin and Padme was awful (they're not). Ok, so that's what, 20% of the movie? MAYBE 25%? And yet the entire movie is labeled as poorly executed. Explain that logic to me. The people who think Episode II, overall, is a bad film because they had a problem with one exchange about 'sand' are the same people who thought the second hour of Wedding Crashers was just as good as the first. Get the FUCK out of here.
And Episode III? I dare you to say one negative thing about the movie.
In summation:
-The Prequel soundtracks are just as-good-as (if not better than) the Originals (yes, I said it).
-The special effects are better than the Originals.
-The action sequences are better than the Originals.
Rapid fire response:
"The Prequels used too much CGI and not enough models and practical sets!"
Really? Because there were more models used in the Prequels than in the Originals. And too much CGI? Would you like to tell George Lucas that he should've financed the production of 4000 actual Senate pods and an arena to hold them? He should've produced thousands of clone trooper armor (by the way, even CGI-haters need to concede the fact that THE MERE NOTION THAT NOT ONE PIECE OF CLONE TROOPER OR BATTLE DROID ARMOR EXISTS IN ANY OF THE PREQUELS is an incredible achievement)? Please, PLEASE, I'd love to see you try and make that case to him and everyone else who put in time and money to these films.
"Yoda shouldn't fight with a lightsaber! That's like Gandhi using a gun!"
Really? Is it? So the most skilled Samurai in all of feudal Japan shouldn't ever brandish a blade either? Just because he's so mentally proficient in the Force and in dealing with conflict, he shouldn't fight hand-to-hand, if it comes down to it? The guy fights when he HAS to. The Jedi fight when they HAVE to. I didn't see you people complaining when Obi-Wan or Darth Vader or Palpatine pulled out their lightsabers despite the fact that they are just as wise and educated in the ways of the Force. Stop grasping at straws and trying to find a reason to try and pick apart these films.
It's misguided. All of the gripes. I'm objective. There are fan-boys who are not able to step back and make actual observations that may detract from the movie but I've made an earnest effort to avoid falling into that group. Honestly, in some instances, I may be overly critical of the Prequels to try and destroy any perception that I'm blindly embracing them...in fact, that's why most of the fans-of-the-originals hate on the Prequels; they don't want to be viewed as uber-geeks who snort up everything George puts out, so they go all out to create the illusion that they're in the COOL crowd who believe everything is flawed and the Prequels should've never been made. For the love of God, just accept them for what they are: episodes of a six-part saga that revolutionize the movie industry consistently for 30 years.
And don't even get me started on why the Academy Awards stiff George with every film, since he dropped out of the guilds between Episode IV and V.
Fine. I will.
Episode IV was produced (financially) and distributed by 20th Century Fox. With the money George reaped from the success of Episode IV, he was able to fully finance Episode V by himself. He was an independent blockbuster filmmaker. That's a rare combo. Additionally, George didn't want credits (beyond the scroll) at the beginning of his films. The Director's, Writer's, Actor's, etc. Guilds let this "slide" with Episode IV because they didn't know there would be sequels. When George followed suit with Episode V, they fined George about a half-million dollars, which George paid...then they fined Irvin Kershner about the same (which George paid). Then, the Guilds were still upset that their attempts were unsuccessful to inspire change and so they tried to pull Empire from theaters. In retaliation, shortly thereafter, George dropped out of all Guilds, depending on Hollywood (namely, 20th Century Fox) just for distribution of his movies.
Because all the conflict with the Guilds and studios happened after IV, that movie got sizable recognition in terms of awards (nominated for Best Picture, etc.). But, by the time Episode V was up for Oscar nods, all of the Academy had a bitter taste in their mouth for the guy who liked to put his credits at the end and pay for his own movies...so they stiffed him.
Ultimately, this trend continues even today. Episode III was not even NOMINATED for Visual Effects Achievement. Read that sentence again.
Hollywood was bad enough to begin with but the way they stick it to a guy who practically saved movies in the late-70s and is responsible for six of the top 25 movies of highest-grossing movies of all time is sickening.
Oh, and on a totally unrelated note:
ATTN: Squirrels of the World
I give up. Seriously. I've given up trying to sacrifice my own well-being and that of my car to save you and your rogue street-dashing maneuvers. Stop running into the fucking road at the absolute last second. I feel no guilt for those of you who practice such a dangerous tactic and end up getting hurt or killed. I'm sorry for those of you who are forced into these situations and do not choose to throw yourself into danger but you can thank your reckless comrades for this potential punishment. You had your chance. I avoided you for nearly 5 years; slamming on brakes, swerving, etc. but you have neglected to make known this extraordinarily kind behavior via a tale in your squirrel legend. Therefore, I am going to stop making an effort. I won't try to hurt you...but I'm not trying to save you. No, that ship has sailed. Embrace my driving indifference, rodents.
Additionally, I decided that Major League Baseball needs a divisional re-alignment.
Here's the current situation...
Go on, say it. I'm a genius. I'm a huge brain in a ripped-up body. I'm Jesus H. Brown.
Here's my take on the burgeoning Middle East thing with Lebanon and Israel:
Just have a goddamned all-out war. They've been flicking each other in the ear during Algebra for 50 fucking years but they all (Israel flicking Palestine, Palestine flicking Israel, Sunis plucking Shi'ites and vice versa; ERRYBODY) need to just meet up on the playground and GET IT ON. The Sunis hate the Shi'ites but they both hate the Jews. They also both hate the West. It's a tangled mass of shit and I hate to sound violent or pro-conflict but they need to just figure it out and it's never going to be resolved with negotiations (as is obvious with all the failed attempts at such)...they need to just let loose.
The nice thought is, though, that their hatred for America and, overall, Israel, kind've unites them so maybe we should involve ourselves more, over there, so they start to become more friends.
Whatever; Round One - FIGHT!
Poopatoops!
J-Rock
-Barry Bonds' potential indictment.
Will they?! Won't they?! Who cares. He cheated and we don't need a Supreme Court decision to tell us what any one barely-functioning eyeball could tell us.
-Danica Patrick's switching circuits/teams.
Oh, she might go to NASCAR?! Oh, right, that's the same thing as NASCAR, right? Yeah, I don't care. And it's breaking news that she switched to some other IRL team? People couldn't tell you which team she was on before today and now she's on....um, some other team! Whooo! How many millions of people were avidly refreshing ESPN.com, waiting for this announcement?
-Barbaro's "Rehab".
You people do know it's a horse, right? A HORSE WITH A FUCKING BROKEN LEG. I can understand the owners/jockey being affected but...why are people nationwide putting up signs and stuff saying 'Pray for Barbaro'? What, so you can bet on him and exploit an animal in the future? Sympathy (and interest) DENIED.
-Alex Rodriguez's Inability to Win Over Yankee Fans
Look, he knew what he was getting into. They're allowed to boo him, his biggest hits come in April day games against the Blue Jays when the team is already up by 98 runs. He hasn't earned the right to be boo-proof (no championships, no big hits -- see: Jeter). Then some sports analyst started a crazy baseless rumor that the Yankees are going to trade him. They aren't. At least not now and probably never in the middle of a season.
ANYWAY...
I felt like venting about the Star Wars prequels. Not the movies themselves, necessarily, but the popular perception and regard for them.
First of all, I'm not a person who blindly embraces everything with the Star Wars name on it. I've read maybe three of the novels and don't think all the video games are earth-shattering like they are billed (I'm looking at you, Knights of the Old Republic). The announcement of the prequels was confirmed in 1993-94 so I was only 7 or 8 and can't say I had any real reaction to the news of them and just went to see them because they are Star Wars movies and...well, y'know.
With that out of the way, I'm the first to admit that Episode I is the worst of the saga, in terms of overall film quality. My gripes include:
-Jar-Jar Binks
-Jake Lloyd's general existence
-The overall (lack of) editing
-A handful of lines ("yippee!", the eopie fart on Tatooine, most of the podrace announcer)
I'm of the camp that Jar-Jar, as a character/plot piece wasn't even really necessary to the story. I understand that he was inserted to be a marketable character, to inject some humor, and be the yin to the Jedi/Queen's yang, to showcase -- with a full-time character -- ILM's developing CGI capabilities, yada yada yada.
That being said...his humor didn't do much for anyone over the age of 9. I didn't think his voice/dialect was racist (like some people foolishly believe) but just annoying and hard to get into. Most of it stuck out in otherwise exhibitionary scenes or something (like the hatching-of-the-podrace-scheme/slavery scene at the Skywalker dinner table) as just to keep the little kids interested. I guess it worked, because the movie rolled in a lot of money.
Jake Lloyd is only GOOD (for a kid) in one or two scenes, serviceable in most of the rest, and awful in a few deliveries sprinkled throughout. The part about his performance that hurts me most is that, after watching The Beginning documentary on the DVD and seeing two of the kids he beat out for the role...I am really not sure why Jake got the part at all.
I wish they had made his success in the final space battle a little less accidental and more planned -- to further the belief created in the originals that Anakin was the real deal Holyfield even when Obi-Wan first knew him. It doesn't ruin the movie (nor does Jake, overall) but it's just a little thorn in the side during viewing.
I don't buy the belief that the political subplot was too confusing or too deep for a Star Wars movie. The prequels are 50% political...the political sets up everything else. Unchartered waters for a Star Wars movie? Yes. But well-done and, once the trilogy is completely viewed, it's pretty hard to argue with what was in Episode I regarding the Senate, etc.
The editing was just a mistake. I don't find the midichlorian scene 'morally reprehensible' or anything but I don't think it was really necessary at all. Additionally, I always thought the film played like a rough cut of what the movie ultimately would be (at least 20 minutes of it could be trimmed out and nobody would notice). What, for example, could be removed?
-Some of the podrace; don't get me wrong, it's really fun and exciting but it kind of goes on too long. Part of that is the build-up to it. Do we need to see every single contestant introduced and shown and do we need to endure every little aside from the announcer(s)? That and the fact that just a bit too much racing content was shown. Don't get me wrong, I love the unintentional comedy that erupts when the little blue guy and pointy-nose guy explode into vapor but the race essentially should've just been Anakin vs. Sebulba with the Jedi's fate on the line.
-Most of the first act. From the moment the droid dropships land ("if they're down here, sir, we'll find them") to when Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan drop in on the captured Queen in the street...all of that is really expendable. Jar-Jar didn't need to be found but if you insisted on putting him in, they should've had Qui-Gon say "stay here, we'll return" and then later had Qui-Gon free him from a little prison camp and used his connection to mount the Gungan army. He didn't need to take them to Otoh Gunga, through the planet core, tag along on Tatooine and subsequently on Coruscant. Why did the Jedi need directions to Theed, anyway? They're JEDI. Come on! We'll accept that they were able to get there in one dissolve-wipe.
Remove THAT stuff and you'd have a trim and really good movie. I like that the second act is slower than the first and third, as it's necessary for us to meet Anakin and get a sense of what he represents to Qui-Gon and how he interacts with Padme (plus, it's fucking Darth Vader, he deserves to get some foundation in his first appearance).
My opinion on why the film turned out the way it did was because:
-George was still in Return of the Jedi-mode. What were the criticisms of Jedi? The Ewoks were too kiddy. What is the criticism of Phantom Menace? Jar-Jar is too kiddy. Since his previous Star Wars installment was considered a success, he recycled the formula for Episode I.
-Ben Burtt edited the movie. Do you know who Ben Burtt is? He's the sound effects designer. If you couldn't put that together...a sound effects designer edited a movie. Figure it out.
Now, going beyond what the movie WAS, is what the movie was perceived as. Fact is: the expectations were off the charts. There was no way for George to win. NO WAY. 30-year olds wanted to feel like they were 10 again. That's not possible. They didn't realize this, of course, and held it against the movie, as if it was not their fault that they've grown up and matured, but George Lucas' fault.
Why were the expectations so high? Because whatever you liked when you were a kid grows and grows in your mind to be more and more pristine and flawless. The saying "you older get, the better you were" applies in a unilateral way. The more time that passed since the original installments, the more and more people regarded them well. Now, of course, they are the three greatest movies ever made but 75% of the people who bashed Episode I are not Star Wars geeks like me...so they just remember the movies being fun when they were little and expecting to be transported back to where they were in a completely different time. That's unfair.
Secondly, this is a different part of the saga. This is the rise of an ultimately flawed hero. This is the slow decay of a sprawling Republic. It's not going to be as straight-forward or simple as "the children of the bad guy try to save the universe"...which is why IV - V - VI was the first trilogy George made. It's far more marketable and universally recognizable, in theme. The Prequels -- even though they rolled in huge money -- probably would've been far less successful than the Originals, were they released in 1977, 1980, and 1983. They're just different films; it's like comparing the card games War and Poker. The originals are like War; they are completely easy to understand and most everyone on Earth can get into it. But Poker takes time to learn, time to get good at, etc. There are so many more nuances and layers to the Prequels than the Originals (not taking anything away from either trilogy, it's just an observation), which was not what some people EXPECTED (expectations are the Devil, clearly), thereby the movie was not good and sucked. Get out of here.
(Not to mention, everybody wants to be cool, so they do what their friends do, what the people on TV do, and jump on those bandwagons -- whatever they're touting. The 1999 bandwagon included unfairly bashing Episode I.)
AGAIN, I'm not saying Episode I was perfect (it isn't -- I broke down its drawbacks, you douche) but the way its regarded is totally ridiculous and unwarranted.
Then came the attacks on Episode II. "Hayden Christensen can't act". (By the way, that was pretty much the only concrete reason given yet apparently every part of the movie is flawed.)
First of all, Hayden can act. Some of his lines in Episode II are less than stellar but, um, Hayden didn't write the script. Additionally, what uneducated viewers regard as robotic or wooden readings of some lines is usually a character method to pave the way for the James Earl Jones delivery in IV, V, and VI (deliveries that everyone holds so dear). By the way, if you think some of Hayden's acting is suspect, watch the Originals and tell me some of the things Mark Hamiil and Carrie Fisher spout off aren't a little kitschy. Please. The same people attacking Hayden are the same people who attacked Episode I without just cause and didn't want to look like they might have been mistaken in their distaste so they latched onto the easiest target (the unknown lead) to salvage their already misguided criticisms.
Secondly, if you're watching Star Wars movies and expecting to see the greatest acting performances ever caught on film...you're very delusional.
The editing was better in Episode II but I still think they would've benefitted from a real editor rather than *sigh* another "effort" from Ben Burtt.
My only legitimate, glaring qualm with the film I addressed here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2GAh4bqLuM
That's IT, do you hear me? And that's most of what anyone has to say bad about the picture. Let's assume, for the sake of argument, that each scene between Anakin and Padme was awful (they're not). Ok, so that's what, 20% of the movie? MAYBE 25%? And yet the entire movie is labeled as poorly executed. Explain that logic to me. The people who think Episode II, overall, is a bad film because they had a problem with one exchange about 'sand' are the same people who thought the second hour of Wedding Crashers was just as good as the first. Get the FUCK out of here.
And Episode III? I dare you to say one negative thing about the movie.
In summation:
-The Prequel soundtracks are just as-good-as (if not better than) the Originals (yes, I said it).
-The special effects are better than the Originals.
-The action sequences are better than the Originals.
Rapid fire response:
"The Prequels used too much CGI and not enough models and practical sets!"
Really? Because there were more models used in the Prequels than in the Originals. And too much CGI? Would you like to tell George Lucas that he should've financed the production of 4000 actual Senate pods and an arena to hold them? He should've produced thousands of clone trooper armor (by the way, even CGI-haters need to concede the fact that THE MERE NOTION THAT NOT ONE PIECE OF CLONE TROOPER OR BATTLE DROID ARMOR EXISTS IN ANY OF THE PREQUELS is an incredible achievement)? Please, PLEASE, I'd love to see you try and make that case to him and everyone else who put in time and money to these films.
"Yoda shouldn't fight with a lightsaber! That's like Gandhi using a gun!"
Really? Is it? So the most skilled Samurai in all of feudal Japan shouldn't ever brandish a blade either? Just because he's so mentally proficient in the Force and in dealing with conflict, he shouldn't fight hand-to-hand, if it comes down to it? The guy fights when he HAS to. The Jedi fight when they HAVE to. I didn't see you people complaining when Obi-Wan or Darth Vader or Palpatine pulled out their lightsabers despite the fact that they are just as wise and educated in the ways of the Force. Stop grasping at straws and trying to find a reason to try and pick apart these films.
It's misguided. All of the gripes. I'm objective. There are fan-boys who are not able to step back and make actual observations that may detract from the movie but I've made an earnest effort to avoid falling into that group. Honestly, in some instances, I may be overly critical of the Prequels to try and destroy any perception that I'm blindly embracing them...in fact, that's why most of the fans-of-the-originals hate on the Prequels; they don't want to be viewed as uber-geeks who snort up everything George puts out, so they go all out to create the illusion that they're in the COOL crowd who believe everything is flawed and the Prequels should've never been made. For the love of God, just accept them for what they are: episodes of a six-part saga that revolutionize the movie industry consistently for 30 years.
And don't even get me started on why the Academy Awards stiff George with every film, since he dropped out of the guilds between Episode IV and V.
Fine. I will.
Episode IV was produced (financially) and distributed by 20th Century Fox. With the money George reaped from the success of Episode IV, he was able to fully finance Episode V by himself. He was an independent blockbuster filmmaker. That's a rare combo. Additionally, George didn't want credits (beyond the scroll) at the beginning of his films. The Director's, Writer's, Actor's, etc. Guilds let this "slide" with Episode IV because they didn't know there would be sequels. When George followed suit with Episode V, they fined George about a half-million dollars, which George paid...then they fined Irvin Kershner about the same (which George paid). Then, the Guilds were still upset that their attempts were unsuccessful to inspire change and so they tried to pull Empire from theaters. In retaliation, shortly thereafter, George dropped out of all Guilds, depending on Hollywood (namely, 20th Century Fox) just for distribution of his movies.
Because all the conflict with the Guilds and studios happened after IV, that movie got sizable recognition in terms of awards (nominated for Best Picture, etc.). But, by the time Episode V was up for Oscar nods, all of the Academy had a bitter taste in their mouth for the guy who liked to put his credits at the end and pay for his own movies...so they stiffed him.
Ultimately, this trend continues even today. Episode III was not even NOMINATED for Visual Effects Achievement. Read that sentence again.
Hollywood was bad enough to begin with but the way they stick it to a guy who practically saved movies in the late-70s and is responsible for six of the top 25 movies of highest-grossing movies of all time is sickening.
Oh, and on a totally unrelated note:
ATTN: Squirrels of the World
I give up. Seriously. I've given up trying to sacrifice my own well-being and that of my car to save you and your rogue street-dashing maneuvers. Stop running into the fucking road at the absolute last second. I feel no guilt for those of you who practice such a dangerous tactic and end up getting hurt or killed. I'm sorry for those of you who are forced into these situations and do not choose to throw yourself into danger but you can thank your reckless comrades for this potential punishment. You had your chance. I avoided you for nearly 5 years; slamming on brakes, swerving, etc. but you have neglected to make known this extraordinarily kind behavior via a tale in your squirrel legend. Therefore, I am going to stop making an effort. I won't try to hurt you...but I'm not trying to save you. No, that ship has sailed. Embrace my driving indifference, rodents.
Additionally, I decided that Major League Baseball needs a divisional re-alignment.
Here's the current situation...
American League
East
Boston Red Sox
New York Yankees
Toronto Blue Jays
Baltimore Orioles
Tampa Bay Devil Rays
Central
Minnesota Twins
Chicago White Sox
Detroit Tigers
Cleveland Indians
Kansas City Royals
West
Anaheim Angels
Oakland Athletics
Seattle Mariners
Texas Rangers
National League
East
Atlanta Braves
New York Mets
Philadelphia Philles
Washington Nationals
Florida Marlins
Central
St. Louis Cardinals
Chicago Cubs
Milwaukee Brewers
Houston Astros
Cinncinati Reds
Pittsburgh Pirates
West
Los Angeles Dodgers
San Francisco Giants
San Diego Padres
Colorado Rockies
Arizona Diamondbacks
East
Boston Red Sox
New York Yankees
Toronto Blue Jays
Baltimore Orioles
Tampa Bay Devil Rays
Central
Minnesota Twins
Chicago White Sox
Detroit Tigers
Cleveland Indians
Kansas City Royals
West
Anaheim Angels
Oakland Athletics
Seattle Mariners
Texas Rangers
National League
East
Atlanta Braves
New York Mets
Philadelphia Philles
Washington Nationals
Florida Marlins
Central
St. Louis Cardinals
Chicago Cubs
Milwaukee Brewers
Houston Astros
Cinncinati Reds
Pittsburgh Pirates
West
Los Angeles Dodgers
San Francisco Giants
San Diego Padres
Colorado Rockies
Arizona Diamondbacks
See how rather dumb that is? It's like...all jumbletons. Plus the NL doesn't have the DH. Come on! Get with the program! Oh, and...come on, the AL West has 4 teams but the NL Central has 6. Umm...mathematics, Commissioner! There's 30 teams and 2 leagues. FIFTEEN IN EACH. IS IT SO RARE.
Here's what I got working:
American League
California Division
San Francisco Giants
Oakland Athletics
Los Angeles Dodgers
Anaheim Angels
San Diego Padres
Western Division
Colorado Rockies
Arizona Diamondbacks
Texas Rangers
Houston Astros
Kansas City Royals
Northern Division
Minnesota Twins
Milwaukee Brewers
Detroit Tigers
Toronto Blue Jays
Seattle Mariners
National League
Midwest Division
St. Louis Cardinals
Chicago Cubs
Chicago White Sox
Cinncinati Reds
Cleveland Indians
Northeast Division
New York Yankees
New York Mets
Boston Red Sox
Philadelphia Phillies
Pittsburgh Pirates
Southern Division
Washington Nationals
Baltimore Orioles
Atlanta Braves
Tampa Bay Devil Rays
Florida Marlins
Here's what I got working:
American LeagueCalifornia Division
San Francisco Giants
Oakland Athletics
Los Angeles Dodgers
Anaheim Angels
San Diego Padres
Western Division
Colorado Rockies
Arizona Diamondbacks
Texas Rangers
Houston Astros
Kansas City Royals
Northern Division
Minnesota Twins
Milwaukee Brewers
Detroit Tigers
Toronto Blue Jays
Seattle Mariners
National League
Midwest Division
St. Louis Cardinals
Chicago Cubs
Chicago White Sox
Cinncinati Reds
Cleveland Indians
Northeast Division
New York Yankees
New York Mets
Boston Red Sox
Philadelphia Phillies
Pittsburgh Pirates
Southern Division
Washington Nationals
Baltimore Orioles
Atlanta Braves
Tampa Bay Devil Rays
Florida Marlins
Go on, say it. I'm a genius. I'm a huge brain in a ripped-up body. I'm Jesus H. Brown.
Here's my take on the burgeoning Middle East thing with Lebanon and Israel:
Just have a goddamned all-out war. They've been flicking each other in the ear during Algebra for 50 fucking years but they all (Israel flicking Palestine, Palestine flicking Israel, Sunis plucking Shi'ites and vice versa; ERRYBODY) need to just meet up on the playground and GET IT ON. The Sunis hate the Shi'ites but they both hate the Jews. They also both hate the West. It's a tangled mass of shit and I hate to sound violent or pro-conflict but they need to just figure it out and it's never going to be resolved with negotiations (as is obvious with all the failed attempts at such)...they need to just let loose.
The nice thought is, though, that their hatred for America and, overall, Israel, kind've unites them so maybe we should involve ourselves more, over there, so they start to become more friends.
Whatever; Round One - FIGHT!
Poopatoops!
J-Rock
posted by dodgers-hey-batter-batter at 6:22 PM
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